Dear John

(updated version after John's first ever Manila concert on a rainy Friday October night (10.01.10)

YOU who are waiting on the world to change, you who are invincible, in this lifetime at least, had the fan in me re-born.

For the first time in more than 10 years, I was delighted that I bought a VIP ticket, and I could not help but ask myself, “Why, Liw, why?

Tuesday last, when I was trying to ask myself if I’m living my belief right, I listened to you on my ipod. Not contented, I even consumed an hour on the net hearing you sing and watching your interview-and there is nothing stupid at all about your sexy mouth.

We have many things in common, you and I: we both are good at forgetting, we plan to marry only once. Like you, I want my train to stop, even for just a pause so I could hold on to my youth for a second or two longer; I also loved Police Academy; and both our moms have told us to think before speaking. So Captain Backfire, are you looking for a first mate?

Huh! Now that you are ridiculously famous, nothing really gets to you cause you are so used getting your own way now-but sadly,you paid a high price. Alas, with artists like you, jamming for another 15 minutes here in Manila doesn't suit you albeit the fact we were all covered in rain -for about an hour and a half...

YOU who painted a woman’s body as a wonderland without using any vulgar word, you who used a neon light as a metaphor for a girl, you who has given the word clarity a new meaning and made gravity sound so cruel, had me at hello-only you did not really say that word, your guitar pretty much did the talking and I instantly understood the depth of the cliché.

More importantly, you made me forget my preoccupation with recollections left by the boy from n.y.c.-albeit only for a few hours of each day. Am sure my “city like” looked as dashing as ever but unlike your Lydia, he has never called me up after a Friday dinner-which we never had- and which, now that we are miles away, we never will…but I, unlike you, can remember life before-and after- his name.

You whose dreams of walking home are similar to mine; you who romanticize years of old like I do; you who want to be as free as a child to dream and be like his favorite super hero, had me thinking of my own yellow lunch box and my crazy Wonder Woman jump-which ended with my left arm on a sling!

So much for wanting to have fun and still be able to keep the home life. Yes, ’83 was a special year for me too but my idea of heaven is far grander than any of my years spent here on earth…
So now, after years of obsessing, I can not believe I have more than your 3x5s -that last night, you were literally in front of me, and when I closed my eyes, it was as if you were really slow dancing with just me-in a crowded raining (not burning) room!

I just can’t trust myself with liking you too much. So I will be content with seeing you upfront and hearing you live. It was disappointing though not to hear your voice crying out how your wishful thinking were all wrong-I guess that you have really grown old to make you say that you are perfectly lonely and had no more love songs for no one-or that such a song is just too lame for where you are now.

Thanks to you, I am neither jaded nor am I tired…neither do I want him (if there is one) to hurry up, nor am I trying to find him….and I do not want myself going back to my old love who has long given up on me. But it is okay-I’ve turned off the light for him ages ago- that is how the wheel keeps working now, so you say.

You, yes you! Could two adult really fit in a sand box? And if I pass you on a side walk, will you offer a smile for me? Gravity has been working against me I guess-but really, Vultures, to open up a concert that was 10 years in the making?!Really! Good thing you said goodbye with Edge of Desire, although something else would have been better, like All we ever do is say goodbye for instance???

You who wants her to check her pulse-are you listening to yours or are you too busy exploring the great outdoors now treating you like some kind of a legend-at 34!
Tonight, my wish for you and dream to learn you and long to see you upfront-or imagine you singing only heart with me in mind all came true- Ha! I definitely am not myself right now-and it is tragic and pathetic to see you going gaga over a new blonde girl-when you can use bombs and sulfur in a line and make it about a tragic love song and not war.

Don’t worry, cause unlike you, nothing’s missing in my life, the Lord is more than enough for me. So I’m definitely alright-beyond today, beyond tomorrow, beyond December, yes, even on Valentine’s.

Like you said John Mayer, I’m bigger than my body gives me credit for
and maybe, just maybe,
I could be the one
who can help you find the perfect rhyme with heavier things-
there is
no such thing.


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