the auguries of my innocence

What is poetry? Who knows?
Not the rose but the scent of the rose;
Not the sky, but the light of the sky;
Not the fly, but the gleam of the fly;
Not the sea, but the sound of the sea;
Not myself, but what makes me
hear, and
feel something that prose cannot;
and what it is who knows…
- Jose Garcia Villa-


I could not paint with words
the emotions I have
deep in my soul…
i do not have the technique,
no a poet I am not.

Nor could I compose with rhyme
the feelings my lying heart insists
i could not hear the tune,
no a poet I never will…

But still…
I will try to paint my heart sighs,
with words
even if my terms are too abstract
or my verbs clash with life’s colors,
it shall still be my canvass to smother…

I will try to compose my cries
even if the rhythm is out of line,
or no harmony is found,
it shall still be my life song…

as long as there are feelings,
as long as there are affections,
as long as there is burning desire within
a poet i might,
in the end, become….


Constantly I miss…
your high, almost shrieky voice,
your smell of faded years,
your soft, saggy skin barely hugging your bones of old,
your calming touches of my hair,
your reassuring embrace
when I thought there was no one else for me.

Constantly, I long….
for the warmth of your thin frail body;
for your gentle hands as you slowly wipe my little spoiled body,
for your soothing assurances
as you whisper about God and His grace to me.

Constantly, I fear…
of forgetting your face looking lovingly at mine,
or your stories of old that has sparked my imagination
on days when there are dark clouds
and night times too..
of losing your proverbial smell that has given me serenity, and
of not remembering my childhood events with you in it,
and lose pieces of me too.

Constantly, I yearn…
to see you again,
wrap my arms around you,
say the words that were unsaid
like “I love you always”,
or “Sorry for shouting at you Nanang.’
And “Thank you for being my mom almost..”

soon, I am hoping soon…
and for all eternity, I will attempt
to bathe you with my love,

the room

We met…
in a crowded vast room…
we began to speak,
you and i.

We spent….
countless hours together
though we were miles apart
chalking our thoughts,
each of us has a verse to say
as if we were laying in bed,
whispering sweet nothings
in each other’s ears.

We fought….
like two passionate lovers
only ours is not exactly a love affair…
we made up of course-
but without a kiss
and things all went well,
like a fairy tale

You left….
without a shout,
or even a word or two,
without the door banging,
I found myself all by my lonesome,
in the vast, crowded room
of nameless,
voiceless faces,
where we met,
you and i.

So I …
took a deep breath,
waited for my bruise to heal,
and turned the lights off
to the vast and crowded room,
to all the
to you and i….

chocolate wrappers

chocolate wrappers,
that is all I’ll ever collect
from someone I’ll never admit-
as soul mate,
as lover,
as my half.

chocolate wrappers,
that is all he can give
whatever meaning they hold
he never will utter-
for his heart
is bound forever to someone else
someone else,
not i...

chocolate wrappers,
that is all I’ll ever keep,
that is all I plan
to take from someone
who never will be-
my soul mate,
my lover,
my half…

chocolate wrappers,
they are all I ever need
from someone who is
eternally placed
in my life’s
“can never be” list…

Yes, I’ll settle
for his chocolate wrappers-for now…
my own someone finds me
and offers me more than these
chocolate wrappers tacked in the pages of my heart.

Yes, i will wait for you, till you are here
with more than chocolate wrappers to bring…

chocolate wrappers, that is all I’ll ever take..
that is all I’ll ever keep,
coming from someone I will never beget-
as soul mate,
as lover,
as my half…


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