planes and court rooms and chasing pavements

be careful what you wish for, these stars are fading out...
-the night the lights went out in NYC, Ataris-

My previous year was spent in planes and court rooms
and in a way I have come full circle
and though seeing the West and the Old World were as amazing as I thought they were,
it made me realize that what matters most are those close to home, albeit temporal in scope.

My previous year saw me praying for an alternative ending
to what I thought would be a permanent career path for me...
until I realized that in doing so, I have let go of the NOW,
in wanting a future that is yet to come and one which is
entirely beyond my control.

In the end, God answered differently than I expected but when he did,
he exceeded all that I hoped for.
a lesson in waiting on God's purposes and exercising wisdom in making decisions it was
-as opposed to deciding on an important matter based on strong feelings
or impulsively, as a way of escape/relief from the difficult circumstance

Planes and court rooms and chasing pavements
made me confront myself
and my foolish concepts of what would truly make me
a true, complete woman...

Chasing pavements made me confront a daily issue:
that of my proud heart
and my inner desire to grow in humility
and in praying for it, I was brought low
and it was good for my soul....

In being up in planes and inside court rooms,
I began to understand a very precious truth,
That it's not the places you go to
or the victories in your career that will
matter or will truly give you joy in this life
In chasing a broken pavement
I began to see my flaw
that of wanting to plan-way ahead of everyone,
including the sovereign Lord of all...

In chasing pavements entirely my own,
I began to see my daily need
that of needing to die to my ideas
of what is safe, and what is secure
and what is best...

In the end, court rooms and airplanes
airports and cases they all will find worth

If in all these, God was glorified and pleased.

Knowing the God of the Bible and walking with Him while I ride planes to see the beautiful world He has created and enter court rooms to fight for what is right are what make the wishes all worth living

And for all the paths unknown,
for dreams shattered and exposed proud self will,
all I need to do is look to the God
who is at all times, SOVEREIGNLY GOOD.

"Your eyes Oh Lord
saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written every one of them
the days that were formed for me
when as yet there were none of them

-Psalm 139:16-

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